All by Myself?

Hello there! Yes I am a delinquent blogger. In my defense work has been very busy, ah, but on to other issues.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where it feels like all the single girls you know are getting married or dating someone and you feel left in the dust? Yeah it's been one of those weeks-or maybe I should say two weeks, in which I've learned two of my friends are engaged and three others have just started dating someone. Bah! I mean, so happy for them...but why am I always the bridesmaid never the bride (btw I'm not doing the bridesmaid thing anyone and I am so over the bouquet toss).

In an effort to console myself I made a list of all of my friends, former roomates, etc. that are not married or dating anyone. The list totals to 30 girls, a fine group of ladies that I don't mind being a part of. Spinster unite! And yes I do feel better now :)

Dilemma

Well I've been out here for a whole month! I love it mostly, but it's actually a lot harder than I thought it would be. First off I don't really know anyone but my roommate in the area. Which leads me to the question I've been asking myself for over a week. If you are no longer in a singles' ward and there are not a lot of LDS singles your age in the area, how do you make friends or meet guys?

Am I going to have to start online dating? Because I've been trying to avoid that for years! Am I going to have to look for platonic friends on Craigslist? Going to a bar is not really an option. I'm really kind of isolated, because my roommate, although awesome, is older than me and works nights and at work I don't have many co-workers.

On Saturday, in an effort to meet people, I went to a LDS 31+ singles dance an hour away all by myself. It was a big group of people but I was in all honesty the youngest person there. There were folks there in their 70's! Bah, I love spending time with people older than me, just not at a dance where I am supposed to be meeting people to date. It was strange. But I did meet a few girls and one guy that were around my age and that was good, but they all live far away from me. Oh well at least I tried, right?

The New Me

Good news, I will no longer be Spinster in the City anymore!---Haha, No I'm not getting married, but I am moving, so instead of being Spinster in Salt Lake City I will be a spinster in another place! I'm moving to the LA area for a great job and I couldn't be happier. I'm excited by all my new possiblities (including a new dating pool!). So things are really looking up for me, wish me luck! (Oh and I'll continue to write because, of course, you will want to hear about all my new spinster adventures in Lala land.)

Valentimes...

Happy belated Valentine's Day! Some single people have a hard time with this couple-centric holiday, but I really don't. Of course there does come an oversaturation point where you've seen enough hearts, candies and pink and red to make you puke, but I don't really mind not having a Valentine. Maybe because I never have had a boyfriend on that day I don't know what I'm missing, but to me the Christmas season is much much harder. What do you think?

P.S. enjoy this video from Homestarrunner, "Valentime's is Serious Times," (beware it is very strange and silly, but hilarious). www.homestarrunner.com/tgs12.html

Until the Real Thing Comes Along

So I have seriously been considering ending this blog. I thought maybe it had run its course and that I had said all I needed to say, but maybe I haven't. I know the key to keeping a blog going is posting often and I am so bad at that, but I can't seem to give up Spinster in the City, so I'm going to start writing again and more often. I'm updating the page and format as well. Lucky you!

A lot has happened in the last 3 months and yet not much has happened either. I'm still at the same job in the same city in the same house and still looking for a full-time job. But I will say I have been dating more-alot for me. I've kind of been putting myself out there--I even went speed dating, for the first time in my life! But the guys I've been dating have been, even for me, something akin to dating the "comic book guy" above. I don't want to sound proud or anything, but I feel like I could do better. They were quite a bit older than me, had kids, were not good looking and were kinda boring, but I was willing to give them a chance, because it wasn't like I was dating anyone else and shouldn't we give everyone at least a chance? Because what if we are being too picky? And you know what conclusion I am coming to-no, you don't have to give everyone a shot. If your gut says no, go with you gut!

As single women over a certain age do we begin to settle for men far beneath us? A case in point, two new girl friends in my mid-singles ward are both smart, pretty, fun, with it and both in their mid-thirties. Maybe it's because of this last fact they feel like they need to broaden their horizons or just that the pickings are slim at that age and in our ward, but one of these girls pointed out to me a guy in Sunday School who she said she really liked. Apparently they had even gone out on a date because she had clued him in that she was interested, but he had never asked her out again! I was shocked he hadn't asked someone like her out again and I was even more shocked she was interested in the first place, he doesn't seem entirely "with it" and I had noticed before was quite socially awkward. The other girl had made it clear to another guy 12 years older than her, that she was interested. They went out once or twice and that was the end of it, but she still had a little thing for him. Huh?

Now lets bring this back to me, because now I have a little crush on a guy in the ward I would not have really considered before, and yet he is not asking me out despite my attentions! What is wrong with these guys! And even more important why do we care?

Blog Crush

I just found a new spinster blog that I just love. It's got a clever title, First Person Singular. The author is a spinster like me albeit she is more sophisticated and hipper than me and isn't Mormon. I like the contrast and although we're different we still have the same spinster issues. I appreciated this recent post, http://firstpersonsingular.org/2009/10/19/post-wedding-blues/, about the post wedding blues. My favorite quote from her post, "weddings are tough. They bring up a special mix of highs and lows-from overflowing joy for the triumph of love, to the demon question: why have I been excluded from this most natural human act?"

She brings up a good point. As singletons I think we dwell on that sometimes, "what did I do wrong or what is wrong with me that I'm not married?" "Why have I been excluded?" The answer of course is unknowable, which makes it all the more tempting think about. We can work on "improving" ourselves to get married, but how do we know we're improving the right things? Really it just is what it is. That's what I have to tell myself and before delve headlong into a sad state (which you can't avoid every now and then but anyway). I am single-fact; now what can I do to enjoy my life and help others?

As with any trial asking why doesn't get us as far as asking what can I gain from this experience. It sounds trite I know, but I think I am a more compassionate person because I've gone through this experience of spinsterhood. Hopefully there are some other good character attributes I've gained as well. I wish I could say it was patience, but I'm not a very patient person. Although, maybe I am more so than I would have been had I married at 19 or something. Anyway, Elder Uchtdorf recently gave a talk and said something I found to be spot on, "Do not wait for someone else to make your life complete. Stop second guessing yourself and wondering if you are defective...seek learning, become engaged in a meaningful career and seek fulfillment in service to others." I like that man.

The Sounds of Spinsterness

I've written about spinster movies and tv shows before, but never about spinster music. I had never really thought about it before until I recently discovered the music of Feist. Ok I'm probably late to the game on this discovery, but she is wonderful, amazing and I love all, yes, every one of her songs. And her music just seems to resonate with the spinster in me and as far as I've been able to find out she is herself a spinster. Some of my favorites of hers that have spinster themes to me have to be "Secret Heart", "Mushaboom", "I Feel it All", and"1234."
See http://www.listentofeist.com/.

So that made me think about what other music I find particularly suited to spinsterhood. I would definitely add to the list most things sung by Billie Holiday, especially "Lover Man" and "You Go to My Head." Dixie Chicks also have empowering music for spinsters, like "Wide Open Spaces" and "Earl had to Die." Does anyone have any ideas who else could be added to this list?