I just found a new spinster blog that I just love. It's got a clever title, First Person Singular. The author is a spinster like me albeit she is more sophisticated and hipper than me and isn't Mormon. I like the contrast and although we're different we still have the same spinster issues. I appreciated this recent post, http://firstpersonsingular.org/2009/10/19/post-wedding-blues/, about the post wedding blues. My favorite quote from her post, "weddings are tough. They bring up a special mix of highs and lows-from overflowing joy for the triumph of love, to the demon question: why have I been excluded from this most natural human act?"
She brings up a good point. As singletons I think we dwell on that sometimes, "what did I do wrong or what is wrong with me that I'm not married?" "Why have I been excluded?" The answer of course is unknowable, which makes it all the more tempting think about. We can work on "improving" ourselves to get married, but how do we know we're improving the right things? Really it just is what it is. That's what I have to tell myself and before delve headlong into a sad state (which you can't avoid every now and then but anyway). I am single-fact; now what can I do to enjoy my life and help others?
As with any trial asking why doesn't get us as far as asking what can I gain from this experience. It sounds trite I know, but I think I am a more compassionate person because I've gone through this experience of spinsterhood. Hopefully there are some other good character attributes I've gained as well. I wish I could say it was patience, but I'm not a very patient person. Although, maybe I am more so than I would have been had I married at 19 or something. Anyway, Elder Uchtdorf recently gave a talk and said something I found to be spot on, "Do not wait for someone else to make your life complete. Stop second guessing yourself and wondering if you are defective...seek learning, become engaged in a meaningful career and seek fulfillment in service to others." I like that man.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The Sounds of Spinsterness
I've written about spinster movies and tv shows before, but never about spinster music. I had never really thought about it before until I recently discovered the music of Feist. Ok I'm probably late to the game on this discovery, but she is wonderful, amazing and I love all, yes, every one of her songs. And her music just seems to resonate with the spinster in me and as far as I've been able to find out she is herself a spinster. Some of my favorites of hers that have spinster themes to me have to be "Secret Heart", "Mushaboom", "I Feel it All", and"1234."
See http://www.listentofeist.com/.
So that made me think about what other music I find particularly suited to spinsterhood. I would definitely add to the list most things sung by Billie Holiday, especially "Lover Man" and "You Go to My Head." Dixie Chicks also have empowering music for spinsters, like "Wide Open Spaces" and "Earl had to Die." Does anyone have any ideas who else could be added to this list?
See http://www.listentofeist.com/.
So that made me think about what other music I find particularly suited to spinsterhood. I would definitely add to the list most things sung by Billie Holiday, especially "Lover Man" and "You Go to My Head." Dixie Chicks also have empowering music for spinsters, like "Wide Open Spaces" and "Earl had to Die." Does anyone have any ideas who else could be added to this list?
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Late Bloomer
I've decided I'm a self enforced late bloomer, which really just means I'm a procrastinator. I know this about myself, so I really shouldn't be suprised I'm a spinster. I mean I leave everything else to the last minute, so why not marriage. And it is starting to feel very last minute, eleventh hourish even-at least in the have a family department (because of course you can get married at any time in your life). I think having to move over to a mid-single's ward really made me wake up and say, Hey! You don't have forever to get it all together, so start doing something now!
So I have, I've started making improvements in my life and things are starting to come together in ways I had hardly hoped for. So wish me luck, this could be the beginning of a brand new me-or just an improved newer version of myself, SITC 2.1.
So I have, I've started making improvements in my life and things are starting to come together in ways I had hardly hoped for. So wish me luck, this could be the beginning of a brand new me-or just an improved newer version of myself, SITC 2.1.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Ask Ms. Spinster..
Hello friends,
Have you been dying to ask a spinster-related question? Well you are in luck, I'm now taking questions and giving the best spinster advice/ideas/empathy around.
This was my friend Jenn's idea and I think it will be fun to hear what people are wondering.
So email me at ldsspinster@gmail.com and oh course your name will be confidential and not posted. Just the questions and my response. So put your thinking caps on and email me!
Have you been dying to ask a spinster-related question? Well you are in luck, I'm now taking questions and giving the best spinster advice/ideas/empathy around.
This was my friend Jenn's idea and I think it will be fun to hear what people are wondering.
So email me at ldsspinster@gmail.com and oh course your name will be confidential and not posted. Just the questions and my response. So put your thinking caps on and email me!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Facebook Group!
Awhile ago I formed a Facebook group-The Mormon Spinster Society! You will find me there as Ima Spinster. If anyone would like to join the group I think it could be a fun way to network and maybe get the word out about the blog. I am still contemplating have a face to face spinster activity in Salt Lake. I know this would ruin my anonymity, but I would love to interact with some of my local spinsters. Anyway let me know what you think!
Friday, October 9, 2009
The Ties That Bind
Well my dear Spinsters and Spinster affliated friends, it's been a busy month. I've moved residences (I'm still in Salt Lake City though!), been juggling two jobs and been entertaining company from out of the country. But maybe the real reason I haven't written is that there just have been no spinster highs or lows that have whipped me up into a passion. Like I said in a previous post I've been very content lately in my spinsterhood, very at peace with it. Maybe that means I don't need this blog anymore. But I will of course keep writing if I think this provides any solace or an outlet to any of my spinster sisters.
There has been one topic that has been on my mind lately. A few weeks ago I was reaquainted with a single gal in my mid-singles ward that I had known in college. She had recently moved into town and had previously been living for the past five years with her sister and her's sister's family and also near some of her siblings and their families. Because she was single her family just assumed that she had lots of time to do them favors and babysit their children all the time. She of course loved spending time with her nieces and nephews, but it did become a burden and she felt like she needed to move to get herself out of the situation.
So this got me thinking, what kind of burdens do we bear and what kind of sacrifices do with make for our family because we are single? I think we do much more for our families then they ever realize or maybe even appreciate. I only have one sister and she lives in another country with her husband and kids. I don't think she realizes the financial sacrifices I have made to go and visit her numerous times in this other place. I am also now thinking of delaying getting a fulltime job so I can spend more time with them when they visit for a month over the holidays! Not only that but I feel like I have more responsibility to help and spend time with my parents because I am the only child living nearby. I also sometimes think that I possibly shouldn't move away from Utah because I don't want to leave my parent's all alone.
I think these things have impinged on me financially and socially, even though I love to see my family. So what burdens have you borne for your family because of your singleness? Do they think you have all the time in the world to help them because you don't have your own family? I'd like to hear your thoughts.
There has been one topic that has been on my mind lately. A few weeks ago I was reaquainted with a single gal in my mid-singles ward that I had known in college. She had recently moved into town and had previously been living for the past five years with her sister and her's sister's family and also near some of her siblings and their families. Because she was single her family just assumed that she had lots of time to do them favors and babysit their children all the time. She of course loved spending time with her nieces and nephews, but it did become a burden and she felt like she needed to move to get herself out of the situation.
So this got me thinking, what kind of burdens do we bear and what kind of sacrifices do with make for our family because we are single? I think we do much more for our families then they ever realize or maybe even appreciate. I only have one sister and she lives in another country with her husband and kids. I don't think she realizes the financial sacrifices I have made to go and visit her numerous times in this other place. I am also now thinking of delaying getting a fulltime job so I can spend more time with them when they visit for a month over the holidays! Not only that but I feel like I have more responsibility to help and spend time with my parents because I am the only child living nearby. I also sometimes think that I possibly shouldn't move away from Utah because I don't want to leave my parent's all alone.
I think these things have impinged on me financially and socially, even though I love to see my family. So what burdens have you borne for your family because of your singleness? Do they think you have all the time in the world to help them because you don't have your own family? I'd like to hear your thoughts.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Single with a Purpose: Guest Post
In response to my Single with a purpose post, my friend agreed to write down some of her thoughts on the topic. Thanks friend, it's always good to hear different points of view. Take a look:
"I found your post about being single with a purpose very thought-provoking, and it caused me reflect on my life and the unique opportunities I've had because of my spinster status. I'd like to share just a couple.
When I was 25, I started working for a not-for-profit agency and had the privilege of rubbing shoulders with some pretty influential politicians because I planned fundraisers and other events. Those few moments spent with people of influence turned into an invitation to attend a conference at which several employees of various helping agencies were able to put forward ideas to these politicians about how to help families struggling with poverty, domestic violence, immigration laws and many other issues. When it was my turn to discuss these issues, I took a big leap of faith and described the visiting teaching program, and how it could be applied in a social sense. For example, families established in our communities could volunteer as visiting families to ones newly establishing themselves, and visit the newcomers on a regular monthly basis, and assist them in ways that are needed, mainly friendshipping.
Although I knew I was out on a limb, many of the people present found the idea exciting and very adaptable to all the needs we were discussing. Even though I have since left that career and community, I have had success stories relayed to me by families that experienced this very new way to visit teach. Even though I believe strongly that raising a family is the highest goal I could ever achieve, had I been home raising children at this point, none of that would have happened.
Also, two years ago I unexpectedly lost my job, and was devastated, and the only comfort I could find was to tell myself that I at least I was only providing for myself. True, but not very helpful in the moment. As I interviewed for a new position, I felt like I was spinning my wheels and tried hard to keep my chin up rejection after rejection. Finally, after two months, one place I had interviewed with a month earlier and had felt so positive about after the interview, tracked me down and offered me the position because due to unforeseen circumstances, the chosen applicant had to turn it down, and I was the runner-up. I knew it was risky to move several hours away to a community I'd only ever been to for that interview, and for a temporary contract no less, but no other jobs were forthcoming, so I grudgingly accepted.
That move turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. Not only was my career building in ways I'd never dreamed and my contract made permanent, I felt myself growing spiritually in ways I had long desired, and my social life was stronger than ever. The most interesting part of this whole experience was that the person whose position I was filling on a temporary basis turned out to be part of a branch that had long been missing from my ancestry's family tree.
The diligent genealogists in my family had searched for this branch for years, and never could find information on that name, and here I was working in one of the descendant's office. She and I have a great relationship, and through this unexpected twist of fate, our families have been reunited. I'm positive at some point the Lord would have found a way for our families to find each other no matter what, but I feel it was a privilege to be the instrument of reuniting these two families, and grateful that although it was difficult circumstances that caused me to move in the first place, my spinster circumstances gave the flexibility needed to do what was required."
Does anyone else have any experiences they'd like to share?
"I found your post about being single with a purpose very thought-provoking, and it caused me reflect on my life and the unique opportunities I've had because of my spinster status. I'd like to share just a couple.
When I was 25, I started working for a not-for-profit agency and had the privilege of rubbing shoulders with some pretty influential politicians because I planned fundraisers and other events. Those few moments spent with people of influence turned into an invitation to attend a conference at which several employees of various helping agencies were able to put forward ideas to these politicians about how to help families struggling with poverty, domestic violence, immigration laws and many other issues. When it was my turn to discuss these issues, I took a big leap of faith and described the visiting teaching program, and how it could be applied in a social sense. For example, families established in our communities could volunteer as visiting families to ones newly establishing themselves, and visit the newcomers on a regular monthly basis, and assist them in ways that are needed, mainly friendshipping.
Although I knew I was out on a limb, many of the people present found the idea exciting and very adaptable to all the needs we were discussing. Even though I have since left that career and community, I have had success stories relayed to me by families that experienced this very new way to visit teach. Even though I believe strongly that raising a family is the highest goal I could ever achieve, had I been home raising children at this point, none of that would have happened.
Also, two years ago I unexpectedly lost my job, and was devastated, and the only comfort I could find was to tell myself that I at least I was only providing for myself. True, but not very helpful in the moment. As I interviewed for a new position, I felt like I was spinning my wheels and tried hard to keep my chin up rejection after rejection. Finally, after two months, one place I had interviewed with a month earlier and had felt so positive about after the interview, tracked me down and offered me the position because due to unforeseen circumstances, the chosen applicant had to turn it down, and I was the runner-up. I knew it was risky to move several hours away to a community I'd only ever been to for that interview, and for a temporary contract no less, but no other jobs were forthcoming, so I grudgingly accepted.
That move turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. Not only was my career building in ways I'd never dreamed and my contract made permanent, I felt myself growing spiritually in ways I had long desired, and my social life was stronger than ever. The most interesting part of this whole experience was that the person whose position I was filling on a temporary basis turned out to be part of a branch that had long been missing from my ancestry's family tree.
The diligent genealogists in my family had searched for this branch for years, and never could find information on that name, and here I was working in one of the descendant's office. She and I have a great relationship, and through this unexpected twist of fate, our families have been reunited. I'm positive at some point the Lord would have found a way for our families to find each other no matter what, but I feel it was a privilege to be the instrument of reuniting these two families, and grateful that although it was difficult circumstances that caused me to move in the first place, my spinster circumstances gave the flexibility needed to do what was required."
Does anyone else have any experiences they'd like to share?
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