Monday, March 16, 2009

Friends by chance, Sisters by choice

So I've decided that the best way to be a good Spinster is to have a spinster sister to live with and share your inheritance with. That used to be quite popular over a hundred years ago, I can think of one set of spinster sisters in my own genealogy-this is a shout out to Martha and Chancenie Dungy, who never married and lived together all their life in Alabama and Tennessee. We also see a good deal of spinster sisters in literature. My roommates and I recently watched the Masterpiece Theater miniseries-Cranford, which revolves around two spinster sisters and their large group of spinster and widow friends. Actually, as far as we could tell almost no one in the town was actually married.
But, as I only have one sister and she has been married for nigh on eight years now, the next best thing for me is roommates of my same age and situation. I have three roommates all between the ages of 27 and 31 and they are great fun. We have interesting conversations which include a lot of laughter, we eat together fairly often and throw parties together as well. We also go on the occasional road trip and outing together too. It's been loads of fun actually, so I think I will adopt them and make them my spinster sisters, and as I've said for a spinster there is nothing better.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

Some of the comments from my last post have spurred me to write a post about parents and relatives that say or do things that really hurt even though their intentions may be good.

As a follow up to my last story there is another little tidbit to add. My Dad likes to make lists and resolutions, goals, mission statements, etc., that everyone else in the family usually ignores because either they are cheesy or just really far out there. Anyway, last weekend I saw a paper in a pile that was labeled "Things to do before the Millenium"(this is classic Dad stuff). One of the things was- "To do all I can to see my children happily married for eternity" or something like that. So I guess asking me about internet dating was a part of reaching this goal, but it made me feel kind of deflated, because obviously my sister has been married for awhile, so this goal was all about me. It was a good intention, but made me feel like a "project", and who wants to feel like that? I have some other stories of this sort to share as well.

My dear friend told me that recently her mother had said to her when discussing dating and guys and what-not, "Honey, do you think it will ever happen," meaning of course, do you think you will ever get married? Now my friend said her Mom said this nicely and with all compassion, but needless to say she didn't like the comment, in fact she was a little shocked that her Mom had actually said it.

I have a very similar story of my own, mind you this was a good FIVE years ago and I had just finished college and was kind of at a loss of what to do with myself and more than a little depressed. In a conversation with just the two of us, my brother-in-law said to me, "Do you think you'll ever (emphasis on ever) get married?" I was floored, I wish I would have gotten mad at him, but in the state I was in it was all I could do to fight back the tears. Now this very pointed question was said very doubtingly as if he was sure that it would never happen. I wasn't even that old and already he was telling me it was over for me. Obviously he had no faith in me which made me have less faith in myself. I thought, dang it, who else is thinking this. I honestly have never forgiven him for being so thoughtless and taking my greatest insecurity and trampling all over it.

Now I know what some of you will say, get over it, don't be mad, who cares what other people think or thought, don't let it get to you, but easier said than done. Some times other people's words infest our minds like parasites, feeding on our peace of mind. Wouldn't it be better to just be encouraging and not make people think there is something wrong with them or that they are unloveable? Actually I am a lot more resilient (but not immune) now then I was back then. I have come to understand more through the years about life and how it's not really fair or predictable and that there is a lot about spinsterhood that I really like and there are many ways my life could have turned out worse but it hasn't. So even though my Dad would like to see me married, I would just rather see me happy in whatever form that takes. The end.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Internet "Dating": Fact or Ficiton

So my last post mentioned something about internet dating, which for myself I am against. Not that I don't know some people it has worked for, but personally it's not my style and I think it complicates the whole dating process. So when I went out to lunch with my Dad this week I was dismayed when he offered to pay for any and all LDS dating sites that I wished to become a member of. He told me this story about how his secretary's daughter meet her fiance on an LDS site and how it's all roses and rainbows. I told him straight out that won't be necessary and let's not talk about it anymore. I guess I should have been touched my Dad was thinking of me, but really it kind of makes me feel like the wayward daughter that can't pull it together and just get married already. I don't know how I want my parents to feel about my singleness. I kind of just want them to not really be concerned or worried, because then that makes me feel that way. So then here's my questions-how do your parent's feel about your single sitch and how do you feel about internet dating?