Sunday, February 17, 2008

Plans Schmans

We spinsters are a transient lot. I myself haven't lived in any one house or apartment for longer than 9 months since living at my parents house. It seems I'm always moving for one reason or another, either I'm looking for better accommodations or I'm leaving for the summer or I'm moving away. I have had many many roommates, (62 counting my family and mission companions) some have been great and some have really not been great. But I'm not the only one, I know many girls who move around a lot. I don't know if its out of their desire or out of necessity. I would actually love to settle down and have my own house and plant a garden and stop being so transient, but it isn't that easy. It's hard for a single person to earn enough money for a house.

Some people think of being not married as having a lot of freedom, they think we can just pick up and go anytime we want. But the only problem is money, we have to get a job and support ourselves. I never really thought I would have to.

In Young Women's they prepare you for married life and that is what I planned on. I had a whole timeline of my my life drawn up in my journal when I was like 14. At 18 I would graduate from H.S., 21 graduate from college, then go on a mission, 23 get married, 25 have twins-Christopher and Madeline and so on. I hadn't decided whether to have 4 or 5 children, but I had covered the most important events. I never really planned on a career and having to support myself for the rest of my life. I think guys have it easier sometimes because they always planned on having a career so they have a headstart in knowing what they want to do and making that happen. At 25 I was like, 'what do I want to do with my life?' Well I knew that I wanted to have a family, but since that wasn't forthcoming, what else do I want to do? It's a question that I'm still asking myself. What now? The world is open to me, I can do just about anything I want to do, so what do I want to do? The number of options actually makes the decision harder instead of easier.

So what have I been doing, I worked for a few couple of years in Boston, because I thought it would be an good "experience". Now I'm back in school furthering my education. But what about when I'm done with that? Good question, I'll find a job and who knows where I'll end up-another move. I guess it's true that there are very few people in life who know exactly what they want to do and never deviate from their course. It might be nice to be one of those people, but it may also be true that plan N may be better than plan A, although you would never have guessed it. Maybe it's nice not to have the future set, it's more exciting and suspenseful. You just never know what could happen.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

A Tale of Two Chick Flicks

So I watched two Jane Austen inspired movies this week, Becoming Jane and The Jane Austen Book Club. Both very appropo films for the spinster since Jane Austen may in some circles be called our leader, but one of them I really didn't care for and one of them was a little jewel in the rough. I was suprised how much I liked The Jane Austen Book Club. I went into it with low expectations (the best way to go into any film, that way you're never disappointed), because I hadn't heard anything particularly good about it. But it was sweet little film and more realistic and grown up than most chick flicks, while still being everything a good CF should be and in the end (spoiler ahead) the spinster gets her man and a cute,younger one at that (the darling Hugh Dancy, only downside is he doesn't have his English accent in this one). So go rent it, but don't expect it to have a lot to do with Jane Austen or to follow any of the Austonian storylines, the books are simply something that brings the group together.

As for the next film, Becoming Jane, it was disappointing and not just because she never married whatshisname (who was nothing but a cavorting puglist). It was not funny or clever or vaguely interesting and Jane was portrayed as such a boring stick in the mud that you really wondered how her mind was able to produce the products of our modern-day obession. I must have instinctively known the movie would not be that great since I waited so long to see it, instead of going out to see it the first day it showed in the theaters. Ah well we can't have everything now can we? Has anyone seen either of this movies and agrees or disagrees with me? Or does any one know of any great spinster flicks that are must-sees?

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Well, you'll see...

So I asked my Chinese friend today what they call women that never marry in China. She replied with a laugh,"old virgins". And that is exactly how I felt today and it really had nothing to do with Valentine's Day.

I had a doctor's appt for the first time at the student clinic so I had to fill out all that paperwork that goes along with being a new patient, including a form that asks about your past medical history. This was the most extensive medical history form I had ever seen, it asked about your spirituality and if you prayed among other things. There was also a half a page or more about your sex life. The first question of course being have you ever had sex. My pencil hovered over the check boxes yes, no or never (I'm not sure why they needed both no and never, but they were both there). At that moment I felt like a very old virgin. I'm sure the doctors don't see a lot of virgins in their late twenties at the University of Utah. Would I be the oldest virgin they had ever seen???

In the church it's expected that you'll probably be a virgin until you get married, but to society at large it seems a tad freakish, like that movie The 40 year old Virgin. I've only seen part of that movie on tv, but Steve Carrell is a comic book loving techie who is a bit socially awkward (hmmm, is that the stereotype of a male spinster? That could be a good post later on). Am I like Steve Carrell's character to the world or am I more like a nun? Oh well being a virgin ain't a bad thing there's a lot I don't have to worry about, but sometimes its does feel like everyone is a part of this club that I don't belong to and they have a secret I don't know.

Anyway, so how did I answer the question? I left it blank! What do they need to know about my sex life or lack thereof? For now it will be my little secret.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Technical Issues

Well I haven't written for awhile because I have been busy doing research. One of my next topics will be about spinsters of the world. I'm gathering data from friends and the net about what spinsters are called in other countries, when exactly you become a spinster there and how those societies view spinsters. It's shaping up to be quite interesting. It may even be a two parter, but since I do have two jobs and go to school, it hasn't been my first priority. But please send me any information you might know about Spinsters in other countries.

Don't despair though there are still new things to tickle the spinster fancy. You may have noticed that I have added a new feature-Spinster of the Week. I found the quote of the week from Dorothea Dix which made me curious as to why she was famous and from there I discovered she never married, but she was totally driven to do great things---inspiring. Also I'm going to add a spinster reading list. It will mostly be articles found online about spinster topics and blogs from other spinster sisters. Also let me know if you have any suggestions for topics or you come acrossed any cool spinster related websites. Ok that's all for now. Over and out.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The One that got away

So in Relief Society on Sunday we got "the spinster talk" from one of our high councilmen. You know the one about life being uncertain and you can't really plan when you'll get married so you should get all the education you can and just go live you life. They also had a lady come in and speak who was 41 and unmarried, but successful in her career and polished, and also a homeowner. Basically the gist of the whole thing was don't get bitter and don't wait around to get married, face reality. I guess that's a good message. It seems like more and more the leaders of the church are saying you may never get married, or maybe they always said that but I pay more attention now. But here's the thing, what about the promises that I've gotten that said I would be married in this life? Have I not had enough faith to be married? When does faith border on self-delusion or does it ever? I mean if you can have enough faith to move a mountain, can't you also have enough to get married?

Now this brings me to some important questions that I think a lot of single women that want to get married ask-what did I do wrong or what should I have done differently or have I just not been righteous enough to find that certain someone? I've thought that before--If I had prayed and read my scriptures more I would have gotten married. Maybe that could be a factor, but maybe it really isn't. The number of factors is probably so large that it really couldn't be simplified to two reasons. And in the end it's not like I didn't have any choice in the matter. I mean I could have married just anyone, but I didn't really want to married the first joe schmoe that happen to be around.

Which leads me to this thought, "well maybe I really should have married that one dude, I should have made it work. I guess that's going have been my only chance and I blew it." As illogical as I know that is, what spinster hasn't had that thought cross her mind. At the time it just didn't feel right to marry the "one that got away" or "the one that I let get away." I just don't think it would have been the right fit. So I went on a mission and he sent me very long letters and care packages until I told him to start dating other girls. And he did . And got married when I had been out a year to a girl with my same name (now that's tacky). But you know what, as much as I muse about how things could have been different, I don't regret it. And now I've found out some odd years later he's never finished school, put on a lot of weight and left the church. I think I lucked out.

Well these is a short post on what is a very big topic, but I'd like to hear your thoughts. Do you have one that got away? Do you ever have any of these same thoughts that I do?

Friday, February 1, 2008


So I've stopped telling people my age. If they ask I try to ignore their question or deflect it or make them guess my age and then say oh that's about right or sometimes I just straight out lie. HA! I can't do this with everyone. Some people I've known for awhile already know how old I am, but with everyone else they just ain't gonna find out unless I want them to.

So why do I care, why am I age concious? I think first of all I don't want people to judge me based on my age. I don't want them to make conclusions about me because of how old I am. I don't want them to wonder why I'm not at a certain point in my life, why I'm not married or what not. I just don't want them to think I'm old. This is especially true since I've gone back to college. I have a class with lots of underclassmen. They know I'm a master's student, but I don't want these 19-20 year olds thinking I'm an old foggie. Maybe they don't really care or maybe they've guessed my true age. But I'd like to pretend they think I'm younger than I am.

I wish I could embrace my age and shout it out to the world, "I'm ** years old and I don't care who knows it!!!!", but I'm not at that point yet. Maybe I'm embarassed, maybe I'm judging myself to harshly. But it's not like I'm alone in this, I mean women are famous for lying about their age the older they get. I mean what woman wants to tell people their age. I know several girls like me. It's sad that society does reward us for the years of experience and wisdom we have gained. Why is the media so youth obsessed? I want to go spend time in a culture that loves the aged, that thinks you're not in the prime of life until your older than 30 or so, not a culture that thinks you've peaked at 23. What do you think ladies? Doesn't anyone out there really not care who knows their age?