Monday, February 23, 2009

Too Many Choices...

Apparently Time magazine has their finger on the heartbeat of the American single's scene. I found this article interesting and I'm giving you the most relevant bits. For the whole article go to: Advice for the New Dating Game By Belinda Luscombe Thursday, Feb. 12, 2009,9171,1879191,00.html

"Some of them are respected scientists. Some of them are psychologists. At least one of them is a briefly married former TV-morning-show host. A surprising number of them are stand-up comedians. And they all want to give you dating advice. If you're single and don't wish to be, have they got a TV show/book/scientific theory for you! As if you haven't suffered enough.

According to the most recent census figures, about 84 million Americans ages 20 to 75 are unmarried or separated. Even if only half of them want to find a spouse, that's a nice fat target for the media to aim at in a market where such uniformity of desire is rare. So while dating and mating instructions are probably as old as Australopithecus (Tip 1: "Stand up straighter"), right now the advice-o-meter is running hot. When a coupling manual turned movie--He's Just Not That Into You--is a box-office hit, something's up.

How bad is the dating scene? Bad enough that a production company believes it can find four adults willing to have spouses chosen for them by their friends and family, marry them and allow their subsequent domestic life to be broadcast on CBS. (Because what could possibly go wrong in your first year of wedlock to a stranger?) Other lonely hearts have already submitted to having their mate-finding woes aired on cable. Yes, there have been dating shows before, but none quite so DIY as three offered by FLN, the network formerly known for fancy cooking and curtain-choosing. Wingman, in which comedian Michael Somerville acts as a dating sidekick, premiered Feb. 10. How to Find a Husband, a British import, arrives in April. The network is also developing Love Taxi, in which a cab driver plays matchmaker. Dating, camera, New York City taxi--the discomfort trifecta."

(This next paragraph I find the most interesting)
"Has it come to this? Is dating really that hard? Sociologists have long agreed that the two key factors of mate choice are proximity and timing. We choose from those around us, generally two to five years after we finish our education. But at least one of those pillars is eroding. Online dating has meant that our pool of potential mates is much bigger. The opportunity cost of giving up on a potential suitor is lower. And it's more work to find the wheat in all that chaff.

This is made more complicated by our new living patterns, says New York University sociologist Dalton Conley, whose book Elsewhere, U.S.A. examines how our work and domestic realms collide. "Social proximity is more defining now," he says. "It's class- or occupation-based. Doctors marry doctors instead of nurses." Conley points out that in the past 30 years, the social norms for mate selection have completely flipped: there are fewer prohibitions on whom you can marry, most women work outside the home, and the digital dating landscape is a whole new terrain. "The last change of this significance was the introduction of the Pill," he says."

-Ok back to me, so I have long thought the dating pool is just too big. There are too many choices, it's overwhelming. People aren't willing to take the time to get to really get to know people, they just move on because there is a never ending stream of single people or as I like to joke, a never ending stream of 18 and 19 year old girls at institute or in the single's ward! But doesn't that really define our generation, the phrase "too much?"We are the "Too much Generation" and now it's coming to back to bite us in the butt.

For more single's statistics- see my topics side bar on the right.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

To Family Ward or not to Family Ward...

You won't notice if you only read me on google reader, but I've revamped the blog a bit. I have a new background(much more interesting I think) and I've updated my quote of the week(or whenever I get around to it) and the Spinster of the week and I've added a new spinster blog link. So check it out. Anyway, enough about business, onto the topic at hand.

So I'm thinking of going to a family ward. (Gasp!) I'm really tired of the singles ward scene and I've noticed I'm not really making an effort to really get to know and become friends with people in the ward. I'm just kind of coasting. The same goes for my calling too. I teach Relief Society once a month for like 30 minutes and that's it. I don't really feel like I'm contributing much. Also I think I want to get moving along before I get too old and they make me move along. I never want to have that conversation with the bishop.

I think going to the family ward might be an interesting change and it definitely would be more diverse than the singles ward, age-wise and experience-wise. Also, I know not everyone would say this, but I'd really like to work in the Young Women's organization. I feel like that would be an important contribution. I can't think of a harder time in life for girls than than the 12-18 years. I had a really good experience in YW and had some amazing leaders. I hope I could be a good influence on the girls and if nothing else I could teach them that they need to plan their lives so that if they're not married by 21 or even 23 they have other things in life to look forward to.

But here's the problem, I am not looking forward to going to church alone and sitting by myself. I also will probably be the only one in my age or situation. How will I make friends that can hang out on the weekend, go to the movies whenever? They will probably all have families to take care of. My roommate that is 31 is contemplating going to an older single adult ward (31-100), but I just don't think I could handle that. I've heard strange things. Blah, choices.

Have I mentioned I don't really like the idea of singles wards? Oh maybe their fine when you're going to college, but after that I think they are so artificial. They perpetuate the Peter Pan syndrome I think. Maybe I have said too much, but the truth is I don't really feel like I fit into any of these places. What is a spinster to do? Any ideas?

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Be back soon...

Ok, ok. The holidays are over as are finals so now I finally have some time to post. I have a lot of things to write about, but at the same time I don't want to sound too "whiny." I was reading one spinster blog and the author made the comment that most of these types of blogs are usually "whiny." Do I fall into this category? I don't want to be all woe is me, but at the same time I view this as my support group and if I can't express how I feel here, where can I? I want to express how I really feel about real issues, about the ups and downs of spinsterhood and the double standards I see in this social system we're a part of. So if you feel I complain too bitterly, I'd be happy to refer you to another more upbeat spinster blog, but if you can empathize with me then leave a comment and let me know!