Where do all the lonely people go?

My new ward isn't getting any easier. I thought I was making progress because the ward clerk called me in for an interview with the bishop. I thought good maybe I can get to know the bishop a little and I will get a calling. Not so good. They called me as a family history consultant-the fourth or fifth time I've had that job. Don't get me wrong, I love genealogy, but this calling is not going to get me involved in the ward much. It's not a calling I can only do in a family ward. Also, it is a frustrating job because no one wants to do their family history and ward members will probably try to avoid me more than they already do!

We'll see how it goes, but I now can totally understand comments I've heard from spinsters who have become or have contemplated becoming inactive in church at this time in their lives. It's so hard to be a part of a family ward, when you aren't welcomed in, when you are seen as an outsider merely because of your marital status. Part of the reason for going to church is to become part of a community of saints, but if the community rejects you or doesn't understand you or even try to understand you, where do you go?

My roommate has recently started going to a mid-singles adult ward in Salt Lake. She told me today that some of the women she talked to there have said that if it wasn't for this ward they would have gone inactive. A sad but understandable fact. I attended this ward with my roommate once. It's a unique ward, as far as I know there are only about five of their kind in Utah. Personally I didn't like what I saw. The ward was huge-it almost felt like stake conference. I thought there is no way I can get to know even a third of these people. And as I turned around from my pew and looked at the sea of faces, all it seems I could see were women. And as it turns out there are three Relief Societies! It just didn't feel like the place of me, but now I am wondering if it is my best option if I don't want to cry every week after church. Hmm...

To Family Ward or not to Family Ward...

You won't notice if you only read me on google reader, but I've revamped the blog a bit. I have a new background(much more interesting I think) and I've updated my quote of the week(or whenever I get around to it) and the Spinster of the week and I've added a new spinster blog link. So check it out. Anyway, enough about business, onto the topic at hand.

So I'm thinking of going to a family ward. (Gasp!) I'm really tired of the singles ward scene and I've noticed I'm not really making an effort to really get to know and become friends with people in the ward. I'm just kind of coasting. The same goes for my calling too. I teach Relief Society once a month for like 30 minutes and that's it. I don't really feel like I'm contributing much. Also I think I want to get moving along before I get too old and they make me move along. I never want to have that conversation with the bishop.

I think going to the family ward might be an interesting change and it definitely would be more diverse than the singles ward, age-wise and experience-wise. Also, I know not everyone would say this, but I'd really like to work in the Young Women's organization. I feel like that would be an important contribution. I can't think of a harder time in life for girls than than the 12-18 years. I had a really good experience in YW and had some amazing leaders. I hope I could be a good influence on the girls and if nothing else I could teach them that they need to plan their lives so that if they're not married by 21 or even 23 they have other things in life to look forward to.

But here's the problem, I am not looking forward to going to church alone and sitting by myself. I also will probably be the only one in my age or situation. How will I make friends that can hang out on the weekend, go to the movies whenever? They will probably all have families to take care of. My roommate that is 31 is contemplating going to an older single adult ward (31-100), but I just don't think I could handle that. I've heard strange things. Blah, choices.

Have I mentioned I don't really like the idea of singles wards? Oh maybe their fine when you're going to college, but after that I think they are so artificial. They perpetuate the Peter Pan syndrome I think. Maybe I have said too much, but the truth is I don't really feel like I fit into any of these places. What is a spinster to do? Any ideas?

Single's wards vs. Family wards

Quite a few of my single girlfriends have informed me that they are going to start attending family wards. A few of their reasons: "Single's wards are just a meat markets"; "You can never get to know anyone because the turnover is too high"; "The pressure at a single's ward is just too much." One of my readers said "single's wards just don't work anymore." I tend to agree with them.
Once you have been to a single's ward for nigh on a decade they become very exhausting and tedious. They are these artificial environments that don't represent the population of the church or society and you know the real reason they exist is to facilitate YSAs getting hitched. But do they really work for that many people? I know some people that won't date anyone from their single's ward, because honestly who wants to see their ex-boyfriend/girlfriend every week at church, let alone perchance serve in a calling with them? There is also a fair amount of stealth dating in single's wards (SWs), because lets face if you go on one date with someone in your ward, everyone knows about it by the end of the night. SWs are hotbeds of relationship gossip and there is a lot of elbow nudging too-"so I heard you went out with Scott, so when are you guys getting married." I honestly don't understand it, if singles hate this treatment so much, why do they inflict it on other singles? So basically there is this huge pressure and anxiety on singles in these wards, almost like mice in a lab experiment. Which mice will pair off first???

Until a few weeks ago I attended a single's branch which I wholeheartly appreciated compared to the huge single's ward I attended in Boston previously. Nobody in the Boston ward really knew or cared who I was, let alone the bishopric. I had to beg for a calling and introduce myself to people each week just so I felt I was somewhat a part of it. Whereas my single's branch was small, I knew just about everybody and I was one of the bishops favorites (well at least I like to think so). The spirit was very strong there, but the turnover still was fairly high and the latest turnover left me with mostly a group of 18-19 year old girls and 21-22 year old guys. They are great people, but not really my peers. So now I'm back in a university single's ward that meets with 9,000 other wards at the SLC institute and the family ward is looking better and better.

I did go to a family ward for about a year or so sometime after my mission. I was the sunbeam teacher and I loved it. There are so many more ways to serve in a family ward. (I would actually love to be a Young Women's leader.) There is also such a greater diversity of people. I love getting to know the elderly people in the family wards too.

So here's what I propose. Dissolve SW's, this way there will be good-sized groups of singles in each family ward and they could plan activities and whatnot with each other and other wards, but you would still get the benefit of a family ward. Well I'm not holding my breath, but it could work. So until that time spinster's will always lament-to single's ward or family ward, that is the question.