Outta My League

"Miss Smith is a very good sort of girl; and I should be happy to see her respectably settled. I wish her extremely well: and, no doubt, there are men who might not object to—Every body has their level." -Mr. Elton (Jane Austen, Emma).

It seems to be true that in dating everybody does have their "level." And everyone determines their level by different yardsticks. Some people's level is dependant on looks, others on intelligence, others on wealth and social status, and maybe others on morals, but usually it is some combination of above. The concept has always seemed a bit brutal and narrow minded to me. Of course not everyone is going to be a match with us, but how many people do people we refuse to even consider because we think they are beneath us, usually before we even know them at all. I have been on both ends of this phenomenon-the refuser and the refusee, but mostly the refusee which doesn't feel one bit fair I can tell you.

I see some of my friends go on a lot of dates, but really in their mind they have decided that most of these guys don't have a chance and the first date is just a courtesy date. Sometimes I can only look on and think, 'Hey I wouldn't totally love to go out with that guy and I'd give him a chance!' But those guys didn't ask me out because maybe they assume I'm not at their level.

As an example, recently a guy in my ward that had just moved from Provo said to my roommate, "Do you feel you like you had to lower your standards when you came up to Salt Lake? There's just not many beautiful or amazing girls like there were at BYU." When she told me about his comments I wanted to scream! First of all if I were going to assign him a "level" it wouldn't be in the top tier, so why is he acting like any amazing, beautiful girl would trip over herself to date him and second there are many amazing AND beautiful girls in Salt Lake, but with some of them you might have to get to know just a little bit better to realize it. Really he is not doing himself any favors by judging the girls around here so harshly.

I really enjoyed ii eee's comments from my last post. She said,

"The guy I'm dating right now--it's only been two months, so who knows where it will end up (although I admit to being quite hopeful)--is someone that I NEVER would have dated like, 2 years ago even. I mean, I would have gone out with him once, but he and I are exact opposites."

I think this is so awesome and I hope the best for them. Now if I may turn to Austen yet again, her characters Mr. Darcy and Miss Bennett didn't think much of each other when they first met. Mr. Darcy said of Miss Elizabeth Bennett-"She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men." Elizabeth didn't think much of him either, but by the end of course they were madly in love and married. I think that is why Pride and Prejudice is the perfect title for their story and also the perfect description for the whole dating process. We are all proud and all prejudice in our own ways and it is only when we set aside these attributes that we have a chance of being happy and finding true love. Would anyone else agree?

The Ties that bind

So obviously I have troubles being consistent in writing, so all of you frequent readers may want to add me to your google reader and then it will let you know when I do eventually post. If you don't use this it's a fabulous tool. Just go to your gmail and click on Reader at the top of the page then click on add a subscription and type my url in the box. When you go back and check your reader, my blog name will be highlighted when I've posted. Ok enough of a tutorial.


I've come to realize in the last while that guys are not the only ones who can be commitment phobes when it comes to relationships. Some girls and maybe quite a few Spinsters have a fear of making major commitment. But why? My friend told me the other day that after a four or five dates with a guy she starts to get annoyed by some of his idiosyncracies and calls the whole thing off. She says that she just couldn't live forever with those certain habits/traits. I suggested that the thinking behind it is that, "I've lived this long without a spouse and I've been fine. Why do I want to bind myself to someone for eternity that bugs me?"


I kind of feel the same way as my friend, I guess that is what some people call picky, but aren't you entitled to be picky about the person you will marry? I mean I haven't devoted myself to a life of celibacy this far just to throw it away on someone who is just good enough. I want something spectacular after waiting this long really.

Actually I think part of the fear is also feeling like will lose my independence. I like the things I want to do on my timetable. The idea of the old ball and chain is a little scary. I'm a little afraid of all the compromise marriage entails. Does anyone else out there feel the same way?