Thursday, May 29, 2008

Life will never be the same

So today I just finished reading the first book in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer, a Mormon Mom from Arizona. Since last summer people (all women) having been telling me that I needed to read the book Twilight. I had some time this week so I finally sat down and read all 500 pages. It was a quick read, fun, and exciting. It made me feel like a teenage girl, giggling and feeling giddy at all the many good romantic parts and getting butterflies in my stomach.

Of course now that I've finished the book the problem is that life seems so dull and ordinary. How can anything in real life compare with breathtaking, dangerous Vampire/Human love? Today I felt dejected thinking how nothing in life could measure up to this fantasy. This book has warped my view of reality, how can anyone I date ever be a wonderful as Edward Cullen. I've noticed on facebook that there is group after group with names like this "Edward Cullen and Bella Swan gave me unrealistic expectations about love" or "Because of Edward Cullen human boys have lost their charm".

So is this what is wrong with relationships today-are we just totally unrealistic about what they should be like? When the giddiness of new love is gone and it starts to get hard do too many people just bail? I guess we could blame the media and I do frequently about their portrayals of a basically unreachable ideal. Someone in our stake presidency gave a talk last stake conference and he mentioned the media's power. He talked about one young man in the stake that decided to swear off all forms of media for a month or two. When asked about the result the young man said, "well everyone started to look a lot more attractive!" Very few people are really as attractive as the people in magazines and movies and they are making us look bad!

On the other hand, maybe this a cry by women everywhere that we want to be loved more and better. We want to be loved for who we are, clumsiness and all. We want to be loved for our human-ness, not our adherence to some uberhuman fantasy. If only everyone could love as well, as deeply as Edward maybe then life would be as good as any novel.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The Ties that bind

So obviously I have troubles being consistent in writing, so all of you frequent readers may want to add me to your google reader and then it will let you know when I do eventually post. If you don't use this it's a fabulous tool. Just go to your gmail and click on Reader at the top of the page then click on add a subscription and type my url in the box. When you go back and check your reader, my blog name will be highlighted when I've posted. Ok enough of a tutorial.

I've come to realize in the last while that guys are not the only ones who can be commitment phobes when it comes to relationships. Some girls and maybe quite a few Spinsters have a fear of making major commitment. But why? My friend told me the other day that after a four or five dates with a guy she starts to get annoyed by some of his idiosyncracies and calls the whole thing off. She says that she just couldn't live forever with those certain habits/traits. I suggested that the thinking behind it is that, "I've lived this long without a spouse and I've been fine. Why do I want to bind myself to someone for eternity that bugs me?"

I kind of feel the same way as my friend, I guess that is what some people call picky, but aren't you entitled to be picky about the person you will marry? I mean I haven't devoted myself to a life of celibacy this far just to throw it away on someone who is just good enough. I want something spectacular after waiting this long really.

Actually I think part of the fear is also feeling like will lose my independence. I like the things I want to do on my timetable. The idea of the old ball and chain is a little scary. I'm a little afraid of all the compromise marriage entails. Does anyone else out there feel the same way?

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Shocked and Appalled

Well school is finally out and maybe I'll have some time now to blog. Maybe. So I was riding in the car with two of my friends the other day and we were talking about dating and guys and how it's so hard to find good guys to date and how will we ever find a good guy to marry, etc., etc. You know the same conversation you've had a million times through the years with your single girl friends. And I, maybe too honestly, blurted out that, well I really just don't worry a lot about that stuff anymore. And they of course were like, how can that be? At first I said, well I just vent everything to my blog and I feel much better about life (seriously a blog is the best and cheapest therapy around! ).

And then I said hesitantly, well it's also because I just don't think I'll ever get married. There was an audible gasp. What! how could I ever say something like that, they agreed they could never give up and think like that! Well I went on to explain that it's easy to forget about that kind of stuff when you come to terms with the fact that you may never get married and that is not the worst thing that could happen. I got a few head nods and well it might not be that bad.

But I just find it amazing how shocked people get (and maybe it's only LDS people that are really shocked, I don't know) when you point out that you are not getting married. It's like the worst thing you could say and they seem to think that you've lost your faith in civilization, humankind, and the whole cycle of life. Even if you know in the back of your mind they are probably thinking, this girl will never get married, they still act appalled. Which reminds me of that great scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when Tula introduces her fiance to all her relatives and they say, 'We never thought it would happen, we never thought this day would come, never! But here it is!' Ah I love that movie.

Anyway, with my track record with relationships and the way my current dating life is going, I don't think I'm being pessimisstic, just realistic. Why not just move on with life and stop mopping around and start making plans? Not to say I never think about guys or marriage, but really it's like what is the point in worrying. This way if anything ever does happen it will be a pleasant suprise. And I love suprises!