So obviously I have troubles being consistent in writing, so all of you frequent readers may want to add me to your google reader and then it will let you know when I do eventually post. If you don't use this it's a fabulous tool. Just go to your gmail and click on Reader at the top of the page then click on add a subscription and type my url in the box. When you go back and check your reader, my blog name will be highlighted when I've posted. Ok enough of a tutorial.
I've come to realize in the last while that guys are not the only ones who can be commitment phobes when it comes to relationships. Some girls and maybe quite a few Spinsters have a fear of making major commitment. But why? My friend told me the other day that after a four or five dates with a guy she starts to get annoyed by some of his idiosyncracies and calls the whole thing off. She says that she just couldn't live forever with those certain habits/traits. I suggested that the thinking behind it is that, "I've lived this long without a spouse and I've been fine. Why do I want to bind myself to someone for eternity that bugs me?"
I kind of feel the same way as my friend, I guess that is what some people call picky, but aren't you entitled to be picky about the person you will marry? I mean I haven't devoted myself to a life of celibacy this far just to throw it away on someone who is just good enough. I want something spectacular after waiting this long really.
Actually I think part of the fear is also feeling like will lose my independence. I like the things I want to do on my timetable. The idea of the old ball and chain is a little scary. I'm a little afraid of all the compromise marriage entails. Does anyone else out there feel the same way?
2 comments:
I also love the "Shared Items" feature on Google Reader. I just wish my friends would us it more.
Fear of compromise? Depends on the compromise. In my last relationship I felt like I was the only one making any compromises. I'm sure he would disagree, seeing it from his own point of view. I think depending on the person, we're willing to compromise a lot more or a lot less.
You're not just entitled to be picky, you are supposed to be picky! If there are things that bug you before you get married, it is a guarantee that they will bug you even more later.
Something else to consider. . .if you are both in love enough to get married, the whole compromise/timetable issue is not so daunting. Mutual respect enables you to adopt each other's goals somewhat, and reformat your priorities so that they are good for both of you and your relationship. In my experience, if I didn't feel this way, I knew it wasn't the "right" man. When I met my husband, our goals and ideas meshed without any trouble at all.
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