Quite a few of my single girlfriends have informed me that they are going to start attending family wards. A few of their reasons: "Single's wards are just a meat markets"; "You can never get to know anyone because the turnover is too high"; "The pressure at a single's ward is just too much." One of my readers said "single's wards just don't work anymore." I tend to agree with them.
Once you have been to a single's ward for nigh on a decade they become very exhausting and tedious. They are these artificial environments that don't represent the population of the church or society and you know the real reason they exist is to facilitate YSAs getting hitched. But do they really work for that many people? I know some people that won't date anyone from their single's ward, because honestly who wants to see their ex-boyfriend/girlfriend every week at church, let alone perchance serve in a calling with them? There is also a fair amount of stealth dating in single's wards (SWs), because lets face if you go on one date with someone in your ward, everyone knows about it by the end of the night. SWs are hotbeds of relationship gossip and there is a lot of elbow nudging too-"so I heard you went out with Scott, so when are you guys getting married." I honestly don't understand it, if singles hate this treatment so much, why do they inflict it on other singles? So basically there is this huge pressure and anxiety on singles in these wards, almost like mice in a lab experiment. Which mice will pair off first???
Until a few weeks ago I attended a single's branch which I wholeheartly appreciated compared to the huge single's ward I attended in Boston previously. Nobody in the Boston ward really knew or cared who I was, let alone the bishopric. I had to beg for a calling and introduce myself to people each week just so I felt I was somewhat a part of it. Whereas my single's branch was small, I knew just about everybody and I was one of the bishops favorites (well at least I like to think so). The spirit was very strong there, but the turnover still was fairly high and the latest turnover left me with mostly a group of 18-19 year old girls and 21-22 year old guys. They are great people, but not really my peers. So now I'm back in a university single's ward that meets with 9,000 other wards at the SLC institute and the family ward is looking better and better.
I did go to a family ward for about a year or so sometime after my mission. I was the sunbeam teacher and I loved it. There are so many more ways to serve in a family ward. (I would actually love to be a Young Women's leader.) There is also such a greater diversity of people. I love getting to know the elderly people in the family wards too.
So here's what I propose. Dissolve SW's, this way there will be good-sized groups of singles in each family ward and they could plan activities and whatnot with each other and other wards, but you would still get the benefit of a family ward. Well I'm not holding my breath, but it could work. So until that time spinster's will always lament-to single's ward or family ward, that is the question.
1 comment:
At 25 I left the SW scene and began attending a family ward. I know there were concerns by the leadership that I would be uncomfortable, but I loved how different each family was, and that I was totally considered a family unit--albeit a small one with a sole member. I don't have anything against SWs, but I have found that I'm more at home in the FWs at this point in my life.
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