Doesn't it always seem that in romantic comedies the main heroine has a spinsterly sidekick friend that never gets the guy? She is witty and funny, smart and loyal and always gives her friend good advice, which is seldom taken. Oh sometimes she flirts with and maybe gets the hapless slob that is the hero’s, usually perverted, best friend. That is if she’s “lucky”. But more often than not she is unlucky in love for some reason or other, usually it is that her appearance is lacking in someway, or she is very nerdy, or that she is bitter towards the opposite sex. Regardless she is a perfect foil for her gorgeous, glamorous friend whose love life she vicariously lives through.
The only example that comes to me now is Gidget's sidekick in the old TV reruns I used to watch as a kid. Gidget, as played by a young Sally Field, would always head to the beach in her bikini and she'd drag along her mopey, freckle-faced friend who was allergic to the sun and would wear a big floppy straw hat and be covered head to toe in a big mumu. Her friend was always good for some witty zingers, but eventually Gidget would leave her all by herself and go surfing with hot guys. (Ah, that was quite a show, I never realized until now how much it influenced me as a kid, I should go buy the DVD and see if it holds up to the test of time, anyway).
After the hero and heroine get together and the story ends, what happens to the sidekick best friend? Does she stick with the guy’s loser friend, remain alone forever or strike off and become the heroine of her own story?
I think that in life my role thus far has been that of sidekick. I have married off many friends and roommates, but obviously not myself, hence the reason for this blog. So why is it that I have not been the heroine, is it one of the reasons above or is it just that life is not like a movie? Life IS way more complex, but I think I'd like to write a novel or screenplay wherein the sidekick gets the guy and her gorgeous friend doesn't. Wouldn't that be refreshing? I'd eat up a movie or book like that. Doesn't even a sidekick deserve her Prince Charming?
Do you have a favorite movie sidekick? And are you a perma sidekick like me? I'd like to hear what you think.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Thoughts from a Reluctant Spinster
Here is another post from a guest blogger. I think she makes some very good points. As always we welcome your comments.
My friend and I have had many chats about what it's like being a "spinster". She knows how much I hate that word! To me - the word is so Depressing!! That's probably why she started this whole blog - to take the negative attention away from the word! And to help those other single women out there to know that we shouldn't be ashamed to be single!!
I think there are a few different types of "spinsters" Those that are depressed about being single, those that are excited at being single, and those that focus all their attention on accomplishments to hide the fact that they are still single! (I'm sure there are more different types - but that's all I could think of at the moment). What I find funny about the whole "marital" status - is that we ALL wish for what we don't have. Those that are married - may wish they were single. Those of us that are single - may wish we could be married! If only we could be happy at where we are! I will be turning 29 this year. l will admit freely that I have fallen into ALL those types of "spinsters" at some point in my life.
My most recent entrapment happened around my high school reunion. Ahhh, yes - High School Reunions - or Reunions for that matter. What's the point in them?!! Why do we have them??!!! Why else do we get together, but to boast about our accomplishments. If you don't agree - check a little deeper in your soul - of course it's about boasting!!! If you really cared about keeping in touch with your friends from high school - you would still be talking to them. You wouldn't have to show up 10 years later - to show people how skinny you got, how rich you are, and how good looking your spouse is - and maybe kids (if you have any). It just makes the single "spinsters" feel like there isn't anything to show off! (Maybe we should bring our cats, muah, ha, ha!)I'll admit - I didn't go. I would much rather keep my memories of the times back then, than to see how some have turned out miserable. I don't need to see someone else's misery to be happy and content that I'm single. I feel guilty in saying this, but sometimes I look at my married friends/families lives and I'm really glad that I'm single!
I am old fashioned in my dating style. I want a man that will take charge, and will ask me out. I feel this "new age" of women asking men out - has changed men! I'm not pleased with the way most men have turned out because of this. I don't want a man who won't stand up for what he is. I'm still out here searching for this man. Although, my eldest brother, has mentioned a few times - that I would find a man if I bated my eyes, and smiled and say "whatever you want dear!" We have constant arguments about this. That comment makes be feel like I will be a slave to a man. Marriage is about enduring love, hardships, and equality! It won't happen all the time and at one point, both or one may be selfish - but marriage isn't about control! If that's why I'm still single - than I'm glad! I think the hardest part of being a "spinster" is that we are lonely at times. I would much rather be lonely, than to have someone trying to control me.
One thing I have learned by watching my friends and family in their individual marriages, is that it's not about controlling someone else - it's about love. Many people, even if they are or are not married, will look at someone that isn't "paired" up with someone - and think "Well, there's obviously a reason you are still single. Maybe you are too set in your ways. Maybe you're selfish. Maybe you can't love. Maybe you are being too picky." Well, they may be right - but those kinds of people are also in marriages! Wake up people! Single people ARE capable of love - regardless of how long they have stayed single.
To show love - it involves one person showing/giving it towards another. Sometimes I think single people can do more of that, than those that are married - cause the marred people are so caught up in their marriage and their kids - that they hardly have time to show love to other people. I hope we all = single or married, may show more of our love to people we truly care about. For single people - even though you and I are capable of love - if it's not the right time for us to meet our "lover", then let's live a full happy life until it's meant to be!
My friend and I have had many chats about what it's like being a "spinster". She knows how much I hate that word! To me - the word is so Depressing!! That's probably why she started this whole blog - to take the negative attention away from the word! And to help those other single women out there to know that we shouldn't be ashamed to be single!!
I think there are a few different types of "spinsters" Those that are depressed about being single, those that are excited at being single, and those that focus all their attention on accomplishments to hide the fact that they are still single! (I'm sure there are more different types - but that's all I could think of at the moment). What I find funny about the whole "marital" status - is that we ALL wish for what we don't have. Those that are married - may wish they were single. Those of us that are single - may wish we could be married! If only we could be happy at where we are! I will be turning 29 this year. l will admit freely that I have fallen into ALL those types of "spinsters" at some point in my life.
My most recent entrapment happened around my high school reunion. Ahhh, yes - High School Reunions - or Reunions for that matter. What's the point in them?!! Why do we have them??!!! Why else do we get together, but to boast about our accomplishments. If you don't agree - check a little deeper in your soul - of course it's about boasting!!! If you really cared about keeping in touch with your friends from high school - you would still be talking to them. You wouldn't have to show up 10 years later - to show people how skinny you got, how rich you are, and how good looking your spouse is - and maybe kids (if you have any). It just makes the single "spinsters" feel like there isn't anything to show off! (Maybe we should bring our cats, muah, ha, ha!)I'll admit - I didn't go. I would much rather keep my memories of the times back then, than to see how some have turned out miserable. I don't need to see someone else's misery to be happy and content that I'm single. I feel guilty in saying this, but sometimes I look at my married friends/families lives and I'm really glad that I'm single!
I am old fashioned in my dating style. I want a man that will take charge, and will ask me out. I feel this "new age" of women asking men out - has changed men! I'm not pleased with the way most men have turned out because of this. I don't want a man who won't stand up for what he is. I'm still out here searching for this man. Although, my eldest brother, has mentioned a few times - that I would find a man if I bated my eyes, and smiled and say "whatever you want dear!" We have constant arguments about this. That comment makes be feel like I will be a slave to a man. Marriage is about enduring love, hardships, and equality! It won't happen all the time and at one point, both or one may be selfish - but marriage isn't about control! If that's why I'm still single - than I'm glad! I think the hardest part of being a "spinster" is that we are lonely at times. I would much rather be lonely, than to have someone trying to control me.
One thing I have learned by watching my friends and family in their individual marriages, is that it's not about controlling someone else - it's about love. Many people, even if they are or are not married, will look at someone that isn't "paired" up with someone - and think "Well, there's obviously a reason you are still single. Maybe you are too set in your ways. Maybe you're selfish. Maybe you can't love. Maybe you are being too picky." Well, they may be right - but those kinds of people are also in marriages! Wake up people! Single people ARE capable of love - regardless of how long they have stayed single.
To show love - it involves one person showing/giving it towards another. Sometimes I think single people can do more of that, than those that are married - cause the marred people are so caught up in their marriage and their kids - that they hardly have time to show love to other people. I hope we all = single or married, may show more of our love to people we truly care about. For single people - even though you and I are capable of love - if it's not the right time for us to meet our "lover", then let's live a full happy life until it's meant to be!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Nice Girls Finish Last?
(Hi guys, Here is a post from a friend of mine. I thought you'd enjoy hearing her thoughts on the dating and what not.)
Being a 26 year old single girl, I have had a lot of time to observe relationships and here are just a few of my observations.
The nice girls always finish last-meaning the nice girls are never the ones that are getting married. I consider myself to be a pretty nice girl. I feel that I will treat my future husband very well and also feel that I treat other people very well, considering. I have noticed that the girls that are the ones getting married are not so nice. I watch my sister-in-law for example. She is so mean to my brother. Nothing is ever good enough for her, and every time I am around her, she is telling him what to do. It’s always, Mark (name has been changed) get me that pencil, Mark go wash the dishes, Mark we are going to go visit my family this week, Mark I don’t feel good so we can’t be with your family, Mark I want I want I want. I feel that my brother is always giving so much to her, and she whines so she can get her way. Granted, my brother is dumb enough to fall into her traps, but still. I have even seen him change when he is around our family in order to make her happy. Again, he falls into her traps, but he is a different person since he married her because of the way she treats him.
Independent girls also don’t get the guys. So I can change a light bulb myself. Whoop de doo. So I can change the door knobs on my front door by myself. It’s really not that hard. Who cares? Apparently the guys do. For some reason guys have this need to feel needed. They like it when helpless girls to ask them to do simple favors for them. When a girl asks a guy to do a favor for her, he falls immediately in love with her and will do anything for her. Why is that? What is it about the girl who can’t do anything when a guy is around that attracts them?
It is necessary to touch every guy nonstop when he is around. Story-so I lived with two really annoying girls that somehow were able to mesmerize any guy that walked into our house. I believe it was because they would touch every guy and just hold onto his arm the whole time he was there. How am I supposed to talk to a guy when my roommates were hanging onto him and would not let go of his arm? I couldn’t do it. No, I’m not jealous. I really am not. But it was really annoying when every guy that entered into our house was somehow sucked into their trap.
This last one is just a frustration story about a previous roommate. At one time she was dating three different guys at the same time. I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how you can feel good about yourself when you are dating three people at once. The first guy she met while working together. They went out for probably over a year. She couldn’t decide if she liked him, but really it was that he wasn’t attractive enough for her. So then came along guy #2 with beautiful eyes, but she said she just couldn’t talk to him like she could talk to guy #1. She wished guy #1 looked like guy #2 or that guy #2 could communicate like guy #1 could. Personally, I think there is more to a guy than being beautiful. I would rather date somebody that is not so hot and be able to communicate with him. But maybe I’m not like most people. While trying to decide between guy #1 and guy #2, guy #3 came along. He was funny, but I don’t think he was beautiful enough either. Either way, at one point, she was dating three different guys at the same time. She finally decided guy #1 wasn’t beautiful enough, guy #2 wasn’t a good enough communicator, and I think guy #4 came along before she was happy with guy #3. So currently she is dating guy #4 and things are apparently going well. Good luck to her. Do you want to know the twist-at her surprise birthday party, guy #1, guy #2, guy #3, and guy #4 were all there. How’s that for awkward?
Anyway, I probably sound like I’m bitter, but I’m really not. I've just seen a lot of guys friends ruined by girls. And I think it’s interesting that the whiny, dependent, touchy girls are the ones that get the guys. Don’t guys want to be treated kindly and be able to have some sort of freedom? Maybe I just need to change my ways and become helpless and needy…Please come rub my feet for me boys, and while you're at it, take me on expensive dates because that's what I deserve.
Being a 26 year old single girl, I have had a lot of time to observe relationships and here are just a few of my observations.
The nice girls always finish last-meaning the nice girls are never the ones that are getting married. I consider myself to be a pretty nice girl. I feel that I will treat my future husband very well and also feel that I treat other people very well, considering. I have noticed that the girls that are the ones getting married are not so nice. I watch my sister-in-law for example. She is so mean to my brother. Nothing is ever good enough for her, and every time I am around her, she is telling him what to do. It’s always, Mark (name has been changed) get me that pencil, Mark go wash the dishes, Mark we are going to go visit my family this week, Mark I don’t feel good so we can’t be with your family, Mark I want I want I want. I feel that my brother is always giving so much to her, and she whines so she can get her way. Granted, my brother is dumb enough to fall into her traps, but still. I have even seen him change when he is around our family in order to make her happy. Again, he falls into her traps, but he is a different person since he married her because of the way she treats him.
Independent girls also don’t get the guys. So I can change a light bulb myself. Whoop de doo. So I can change the door knobs on my front door by myself. It’s really not that hard. Who cares? Apparently the guys do. For some reason guys have this need to feel needed. They like it when helpless girls to ask them to do simple favors for them. When a girl asks a guy to do a favor for her, he falls immediately in love with her and will do anything for her. Why is that? What is it about the girl who can’t do anything when a guy is around that attracts them?
It is necessary to touch every guy nonstop when he is around. Story-so I lived with two really annoying girls that somehow were able to mesmerize any guy that walked into our house. I believe it was because they would touch every guy and just hold onto his arm the whole time he was there. How am I supposed to talk to a guy when my roommates were hanging onto him and would not let go of his arm? I couldn’t do it. No, I’m not jealous. I really am not. But it was really annoying when every guy that entered into our house was somehow sucked into their trap.
This last one is just a frustration story about a previous roommate. At one time she was dating three different guys at the same time. I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how you can feel good about yourself when you are dating three people at once. The first guy she met while working together. They went out for probably over a year. She couldn’t decide if she liked him, but really it was that he wasn’t attractive enough for her. So then came along guy #2 with beautiful eyes, but she said she just couldn’t talk to him like she could talk to guy #1. She wished guy #1 looked like guy #2 or that guy #2 could communicate like guy #1 could. Personally, I think there is more to a guy than being beautiful. I would rather date somebody that is not so hot and be able to communicate with him. But maybe I’m not like most people. While trying to decide between guy #1 and guy #2, guy #3 came along. He was funny, but I don’t think he was beautiful enough either. Either way, at one point, she was dating three different guys at the same time. She finally decided guy #1 wasn’t beautiful enough, guy #2 wasn’t a good enough communicator, and I think guy #4 came along before she was happy with guy #3. So currently she is dating guy #4 and things are apparently going well. Good luck to her. Do you want to know the twist-at her surprise birthday party, guy #1, guy #2, guy #3, and guy #4 were all there. How’s that for awkward?
Anyway, I probably sound like I’m bitter, but I’m really not. I've just seen a lot of guys friends ruined by girls. And I think it’s interesting that the whiny, dependent, touchy girls are the ones that get the guys. Don’t guys want to be treated kindly and be able to have some sort of freedom? Maybe I just need to change my ways and become helpless and needy…Please come rub my feet for me boys, and while you're at it, take me on expensive dates because that's what I deserve.
Monday, April 7, 2008
No, Anything But That!
There is a word that sends chills into the hearts of every single person I know and they will do most anything not to be called this word. What is this powerful word? Bitter. It seems like when anyone wants to insult a single person for being well single, they call them bitter. "You aren't married because you're too bitter." Ouch! As if there's not a lot of bitter married people out there. I have even been accused of being bitter for writing this blog!
I was with some of my school friends in the department computer lab and we were checking our facebook accounts. One girl said-"I think I am the only girl in my high school graduating class that isn't married! And I'm not that old!" Another girl said, "Yeah, I have felt fine because I have always had an unmarried friend that is older than me, but that last older unmarried friend just got married this December! Oh well at least I'm not bitter! I mean at least I don't blog about it." Then she glanced my way. I knew she was just teasing me, but I think a lot of people would misconstrue my blog for bitterness.
I honestly I think people use the term bitter to try to control people and to try to make them believe they should always have some kind of maniacally upbeat attitude about being single and that Mr. Right is just around the corner and life will be happily ever after when they do find him. Anyway that's what it sometimes feels like-Never have a pessimistic or even realistic attitude about lifelong singleness.
I think I fall into the realistic camp. And that is what this blog is really about. Me, coming to grips with the fact that I may never marry and realizing that there are worse things that could happen. And also actually that life can be awesome as a Spinster. Not that there aren't things that I'm going to miss out on, but it doesn't mean I need to be prone to fits of crying or hate all men or delude myself either. Those seem to be what people think my options are. No, I will realistically embrace my life and if people call me bitter, so be it.
I was with some of my school friends in the department computer lab and we were checking our facebook accounts. One girl said-"I think I am the only girl in my high school graduating class that isn't married! And I'm not that old!" Another girl said, "Yeah, I have felt fine because I have always had an unmarried friend that is older than me, but that last older unmarried friend just got married this December! Oh well at least I'm not bitter! I mean at least I don't blog about it." Then she glanced my way. I knew she was just teasing me, but I think a lot of people would misconstrue my blog for bitterness.
I honestly I think people use the term bitter to try to control people and to try to make them believe they should always have some kind of maniacally upbeat attitude about being single and that Mr. Right is just around the corner and life will be happily ever after when they do find him. Anyway that's what it sometimes feels like-Never have a pessimistic or even realistic attitude about lifelong singleness.
I think I fall into the realistic camp. And that is what this blog is really about. Me, coming to grips with the fact that I may never marry and realizing that there are worse things that could happen. And also actually that life can be awesome as a Spinster. Not that there aren't things that I'm going to miss out on, but it doesn't mean I need to be prone to fits of crying or hate all men or delude myself either. Those seem to be what people think my options are. No, I will realistically embrace my life and if people call me bitter, so be it.
Friday, April 4, 2008
I've arrived!
Haha- check this out ladies I was quoted in an article/post! I'm famous... well in some circles. But this is an interesting article, have a look.
http://www.blogher.com/reclaiming-spinster
http://www.blogher.com/reclaiming-spinster
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Spinster Stories
So I've started to recruit some of my single friends to help me write posts and give me spinster anecdotes that you may find interesting. I obviously am having a hard time writing consistently and need some help, plus I like to hear what you think to. So if any of y'all out there would like to swap stories just email me.
Here is a little anecdote from my dear single friend about the ideas some guys have out there. You know there is prejudice out there to spinsters, but instead of getting mad, lets laugh about it.
"One evening I went to a 25+ LDS Young Adult Speed Dating Night. I figured, what would it hurt? At the time I forgot to figure in pride and/or ego in that equation. As I was chatting with a handsome young man, he asked me about my apartment and roommates. I explained that I had a lovely apartment all of my own, and that I had not lived with roommates for a few years. He was shocked, and wondered why. I told him that even though I had enjoyed having roommates, I was now in a position to be able to create my own little place in the world. I thought he would think I was ambitious, or financially responsible, or anything other than what he did. He replied that he thought it was a mistake for a woman to live on her own before marriage because having roommates will teach her how to negotiate and compromise--crucial qualities in getting along with her husband. While I agreed that compromise is important, I reminded him that I had lived with the same group of roommates for several years, and that we had gotten along quite well--in spite of every one's quirks--and I didn't think I had forgotten the life skills I had learned during those years. He strongly disagreed, but when I asked about his living situation, he admitted he'd never moved away from home, except to serve a mission. Sorry man, but one thing I learned while living with roommates is that our dating lives occasionally required us to say no to a man and dodge a bullet. Consider yourself dodged.
During that same evening, I had the chance to meet another gentleman who was quite interesting. As we asked about hobbies, he replied that he quite enjoys knitting. Fancy that--I have a brother that knits too! This man started describing what his preferred knitting method was, and explaining why he collects antique buttons, when I interrupted with, "Can you macrame too?" He sharply informed me that macrame was not akin to knitting at all, and I was being ignorant. As he huffed away (nose in the air and all), I thought to myself, "What have I done now? Me and my sarcasm!" I'm sure he left thinking it was obvious why I'm single."
I think her humor went over his head, she is pretty sharp and witty. I think it was no bad thing that she didn't go out again with either of them!
Here is a little anecdote from my dear single friend about the ideas some guys have out there. You know there is prejudice out there to spinsters, but instead of getting mad, lets laugh about it.
"One evening I went to a 25+ LDS Young Adult Speed Dating Night. I figured, what would it hurt? At the time I forgot to figure in pride and/or ego in that equation. As I was chatting with a handsome young man, he asked me about my apartment and roommates. I explained that I had a lovely apartment all of my own, and that I had not lived with roommates for a few years. He was shocked, and wondered why. I told him that even though I had enjoyed having roommates, I was now in a position to be able to create my own little place in the world. I thought he would think I was ambitious, or financially responsible, or anything other than what he did. He replied that he thought it was a mistake for a woman to live on her own before marriage because having roommates will teach her how to negotiate and compromise--crucial qualities in getting along with her husband. While I agreed that compromise is important, I reminded him that I had lived with the same group of roommates for several years, and that we had gotten along quite well--in spite of every one's quirks--and I didn't think I had forgotten the life skills I had learned during those years. He strongly disagreed, but when I asked about his living situation, he admitted he'd never moved away from home, except to serve a mission. Sorry man, but one thing I learned while living with roommates is that our dating lives occasionally required us to say no to a man and dodge a bullet. Consider yourself dodged.
During that same evening, I had the chance to meet another gentleman who was quite interesting. As we asked about hobbies, he replied that he quite enjoys knitting. Fancy that--I have a brother that knits too! This man started describing what his preferred knitting method was, and explaining why he collects antique buttons, when I interrupted with, "Can you macrame too?" He sharply informed me that macrame was not akin to knitting at all, and I was being ignorant. As he huffed away (nose in the air and all), I thought to myself, "What have I done now? Me and my sarcasm!" I'm sure he left thinking it was obvious why I'm single."
I think her humor went over his head, she is pretty sharp and witty. I think it was no bad thing that she didn't go out again with either of them!
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