Here is another post from a guest blogger. I think she makes some very good points. As always we welcome your comments.
My friend and I have had many chats about what it's like being a "spinster". She knows how much I hate that word! To me - the word is so Depressing!! That's probably why she started this whole blog - to take the negative attention away from the word! And to help those other single women out there to know that we shouldn't be ashamed to be single!!
I think there are a few different types of "spinsters" Those that are depressed about being single, those that are excited at being single, and those that focus all their attention on accomplishments to hide the fact that they are still single! (I'm sure there are more different types - but that's all I could think of at the moment). What I find funny about the whole "marital" status - is that we ALL wish for what we don't have. Those that are married - may wish they were single. Those of us that are single - may wish we could be married! If only we could be happy at where we are! I will be turning 29 this year. l will admit freely that I have fallen into ALL those types of "spinsters" at some point in my life.
My most recent entrapment happened around my high school reunion. Ahhh, yes - High School Reunions - or Reunions for that matter. What's the point in them?!! Why do we have them??!!! Why else do we get together, but to boast about our accomplishments. If you don't agree - check a little deeper in your soul - of course it's about boasting!!! If you really cared about keeping in touch with your friends from high school - you would still be talking to them. You wouldn't have to show up 10 years later - to show people how skinny you got, how rich you are, and how good looking your spouse is - and maybe kids (if you have any). It just makes the single "spinsters" feel like there isn't anything to show off! (Maybe we should bring our cats, muah, ha, ha!)I'll admit - I didn't go. I would much rather keep my memories of the times back then, than to see how some have turned out miserable. I don't need to see someone else's misery to be happy and content that I'm single. I feel guilty in saying this, but sometimes I look at my married friends/families lives and I'm really glad that I'm single!
I am old fashioned in my dating style. I want a man that will take charge, and will ask me out. I feel this "new age" of women asking men out - has changed men! I'm not pleased with the way most men have turned out because of this. I don't want a man who won't stand up for what he is. I'm still out here searching for this man. Although, my eldest brother, has mentioned a few times - that I would find a man if I bated my eyes, and smiled and say "whatever you want dear!" We have constant arguments about this. That comment makes be feel like I will be a slave to a man. Marriage is about enduring love, hardships, and equality! It won't happen all the time and at one point, both or one may be selfish - but marriage isn't about control! If that's why I'm still single - than I'm glad! I think the hardest part of being a "spinster" is that we are lonely at times. I would much rather be lonely, than to have someone trying to control me.
One thing I have learned by watching my friends and family in their individual marriages, is that it's not about controlling someone else - it's about love. Many people, even if they are or are not married, will look at someone that isn't "paired" up with someone - and think "Well, there's obviously a reason you are still single. Maybe you are too set in your ways. Maybe you're selfish. Maybe you can't love. Maybe you are being too picky." Well, they may be right - but those kinds of people are also in marriages! Wake up people! Single people ARE capable of love - regardless of how long they have stayed single.
To show love - it involves one person showing/giving it towards another. Sometimes I think single people can do more of that, than those that are married - cause the marred people are so caught up in their marriage and their kids - that they hardly have time to show love to other people. I hope we all = single or married, may show more of our love to people we truly care about. For single people - even though you and I are capable of love - if it's not the right time for us to meet our "lover", then let's live a full happy life until it's meant to be!
2 comments:
But but but, don't you realize that by batting our eyelashes, and flashing a smile, WE control them?
Of course it can't be about controlling another human being, but as women we shouldn't undermine our feminine powers. Being a little flirtatious is nothing be ashamed of.
I would not be single by choice, but I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person.
On another note, I think as single people we can be far too wrapped up in our own worlds, that we believe married people are thinking poorly of us, thinking that we're unlovable, or selfish, or horribly flawed, etc. I'm sure some people are mean-spirited to judge someone so rashly, but sometimes I think I see more harsh judgments being made by single people about marrieds than the other way around. It's a way we can feel better about ourselves, by believing our single status is much better than some marriages we witness. True or false, it shouldn't make any difference to us.
And on the topic of distributing love to those around me, when I'm a wife and a mother I certainly hope I'm loving my husband and children first, far and above anyone else. If that doesn't leave me "the time to love" those who are outside my family, so be it.
I once complained about a moment of loneliness to dear friend who has had a rich, fulfilling marriage for several years. I also mentioned that it must be nice to always have someone. She was quick to set me straight. She explained that yes, she is married and her marriage is quite happy, but even so there is the occasional moment of loneliness. She and her husband are two people and while they may be continually growing closer, there are still gaps that emerge in their relationship.
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