Well school is finally out and maybe I'll have some time now to blog. Maybe. So I was riding in the car with two of my friends the other day and we were talking about dating and guys and how it's so hard to find good guys to date and how will we ever find a good guy to marry, etc., etc. You know the same conversation you've had a million times through the years with your single girl friends. And I, maybe too honestly, blurted out that, well I really just don't worry a lot about that stuff anymore. And they of course were like, how can that be? At first I said, well I just vent everything to my blog and I feel much better about life (seriously a blog is the best and cheapest therapy around! ).
And then I said hesitantly, well it's also because I just don't think I'll ever get married. There was an audible gasp. What! how could I ever say something like that, they agreed they could never give up and think like that! Well I went on to explain that it's easy to forget about that kind of stuff when you come to terms with the fact that you may never get married and that is not the worst thing that could happen. I got a few head nods and well it might not be that bad.
But I just find it amazing how shocked people get (and maybe it's only LDS people that are really shocked, I don't know) when you point out that you are not getting married. It's like the worst thing you could say and they seem to think that you've lost your faith in civilization, humankind, and the whole cycle of life. Even if you know in the back of your mind they are probably thinking, this girl will never get married, they still act appalled. Which reminds me of that great scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when Tula introduces her fiance to all her relatives and they say, 'We never thought it would happen, we never thought this day would come, never! But here it is!' Ah I love that movie.
Anyway, with my track record with relationships and the way my current dating life is going, I don't think I'm being pessimisstic, just realistic. Why not just move on with life and stop mopping around and start making plans? Not to say I never think about guys or marriage, but really it's like what is the point in worrying. This way if anything ever does happen it will be a pleasant suprise. And I love suprises!
7 comments:
Hear Hear! I've had the same audible gasps whenever I've told someone I don't think marriage is the cards for me. But, seriously, it's not like I've just announced a major medical malady, or that I'm leaving my faith.
There are worse things in life than being unmarried - being married, for example!
Sometimes I think I missed my chance. There were a few boys that I could have made it work. But then I would have been settling. So maybe I've missed the window of opportunity :)
I hope that is not true. If you want to be married I hope there is not just one opportunity or chance to make it happen. I think there are lots of chances which would have varying degrees of desired results. The key is to maximize our opportunities and chances. Of course I have no idea quite how to do this, but it probably involves some work and making changes. So here we can rely on a proverb-"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
Thinking more about it, I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is to increase our confidence, to realize how great we really are and how lucky someone would be to be with us. So here is another quote by Shakespeare-"Our doubts are our traitors that make us lose the good we might oft win by fearing to attempt."
I may be the odd person out, since I am married. However, I agree totally with what you have to say. The prevailing culture is strange to me, even though I have grown up here in Salt Lake. It really doesn't have anything to do with Mormonism -- even though the people responsible for the culture are Mormon.
I think that women should focus on being the best person they can be. If they find someone they want to share their life with along the way, great. If not, no regrets.
I am so glad that I took that approach. Now that I am married, I don't sit and wish I had done something before I got 'tied down'. Since I was (and still am) focusing on living my life to the fullest, it isn't even an issue in our marriage.
Thanks for you comments, Laverna. I like what you had to say.
Well, it's been kinda awkward for me when a friend admits she may never get married or has given up on marriage. I think that's why some gasp... because it puts them in an uncomfortable position. I remember one of my YW leaders in her 40s once made the remark, "yeah, I'm just one of THOSE girls; one who won't get married." I didn't want to "audibly gasp" (hehe) because I knew inside it was definitely a possibility she may never marry, but I also didn't want to completely agree with her because it might make her feel bad, like she knew I agreed that she really WASN'T marriage material. Either way, I doubt my response wouldn't have made a difference and I actually didn't say anything at all.
But I wouldn't believe that everyone--behind their gasps--actually thinks "this girl will never get married"!
Oh, and I love My Big Fat Greek Wedding, too!! Such a great movie.
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