So the other night my roommates and I were sitting around chatting and we came up with a little game. We would all make predictions about the other's future spouses and how we would meet them. It was really like telling bedtime stories and we definitely took artistic license with them. One of the proposals involved trained dolphins giving my roommate her engagement ring and one of the marriages involved getting married on the back of elephants in India. But we decided that all of our dream guys would be converts to the church.
So why would we all rather be married to converts than to men born and bred in the church? Well, no offense to all those sweet wonderful lifetime member guys, but the majority of lifers are ruining it for you! My roommates and I were pretty much in agreement that LDS guys can be very shallow and superficial, more so than many non-member men we have known! Why is this? As members shouldn't they have learned humility and charity and to look on people as God's children? I guess maybe they have assumed that these qualities don't extend to dating and finding a wife.
It seems to me that too many of the LDS guys I meet are really just interesting in dating overly made up, overly flirty young girls. Guys come on, look for some depth of character, try to really get to know some different kinds of girls instead of beelining it for the flashy ones. The truth is I have had more non-member guys interested in me than member guys. I dont' know if this mainly applys to Utah guys or if others out of state have noticed this same trend, but please let me know why this is.
5 comments:
I think the trend is stronger in Utah, simply because once you get out of Utah, more of the guys are converts or have grown up in areas where there aren't a lot of LDS girls around. But the trend is still there. And honestly, I think that the average LDS guy who has lived in Utah for several to many years has so many girls to choose from that he goes for the shiny ones who work HARD for attention. I think the same thing happens in their brains as when they go car shopping and end up with expensive, shiny sports cars or SUVs rather than practical, non-planet ruining vehicles. The SHINY distracts them from the content.
First of all, I am not sure I totally blame the guys for seeking good looks. Wouldn't anyone want to date/marry a good-looking person, all things considered? Personally I am acquainted with a number of LDS women who are wonderful, wonderful people, and also very beautiful. So the fact that these women exist means that it's not completely unreachable if the guys are seeking someone who's good-looking and spiritual too.
That said, obviously the world teaches an inappropriate model of what good-looking actually is. Some of our own sisters unfortunately reinforce these beliefs if they dress immodestly, for example. Obviously all of us are susceptible to the inappropriate messages that the world puts out about beauty, attractiveness, and so forth, both guys and girls.
There is a difference in the "look" of people that has nothing to do with how attractive they are. I remember a girl I used to go to school with who basically has it all: super smart, long blond hair, tall, etc. After graduation she became a radio news reporter and so forth. She and I used to be in the same seminary class and she was BEAUTIFUL. These days I am still in contact with this girl online, and she is apparently no longer living the standards of the church; in many of her online pictures she is drunk, for example. While she is still attractive, she is not as beautiful as she used to be. Perhaps it takes a while for people (the guys in question, in this case) to develop their vision in a way that enables them to tell the difference. I know I'm still working on it.
I have also heard that guys in Utah are surrounded by a lot of great-looking women who also live church standards, and since the field is so wide, they keep looking hoping for perfection. Perhaps guys who are not in the Utah Mormon culture are more realistic in that way. So perhaps it's more of a Utah/non-Utah thing than a long-time member/convert thing?
Just like I know lots of good-looking and spiritually amazing women, I know lots of long-time-member guys that I do think have their priorities straight. So I don't completely agree with you that long-time members are superficial and converts are not.
I am a firm believer that a person becomes more attractive to you when you grow to care about him/her. So initial attraction isn't actually that important. But it certainly does get people's attention.
just found your blog. yay!
and, no, it's not just in utah...
I recall a dear friend of mine, who is tall, beautiful and shiny, complain once that even though she dated so much, men always discounted her intelligence (she's now a lawyer) and were intimidated by her ambitions and athletic prowess. Perhaps this is a situation of the 'grass is always greener on the other side.' As far as gender flip side, I've heard many men complain about women always seeming to fall for jerky guys that look nice on the outside, rather than falling for the nice guy. Just a couple of thoughts.
Thanks for the comments everyone. I like the word shiny to describe these girls, it's perfect. Shiny does distract from content way too much and to be truthful it doesn't just happen to guys. There are plenty of girls who go for only hot, charming but jerky guys. But I am willing to stake my life on it that this is not the majority of LDS girls.
I've asked guys before what is most important when you meet a possible match. First they always say well I have to be attracted to her, so something about her looks has to grab them, then bascially they say if the girl passes that test then they look at personality and intelligence. So really it's not enough to just be pretty sometimes. You have to have it all! Blah!
I think all the girls in Utah should make a pact together that they are going to play harder to get and not work so hard on being shiny, not ask guys on dates, to dinner or bring them cookies. Then if the guys want female companionship then they will actually have to ask girls on dates and get to know them. So there. C'mon gals lets do this! :)
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