Monday, March 2, 2009
Internet "Dating": Fact or Ficiton
So my last post mentioned something about internet dating, which for myself I am against. Not that I don't know some people it has worked for, but personally it's not my style and I think it complicates the whole dating process. So when I went out to lunch with my Dad this week I was dismayed when he offered to pay for any and all LDS dating sites that I wished to become a member of. He told me this story about how his secretary's daughter meet her fiance on an LDS site and how it's all roses and rainbows. I told him straight out that won't be necessary and let's not talk about it anymore. I guess I should have been touched my Dad was thinking of me, but really it kind of makes me feel like the wayward daughter that can't pull it together and just get married already. I don't know how I want my parents to feel about my singleness. I kind of just want them to not really be concerned or worried, because then that makes me feel that way. So then here's my questions-how do your parent's feel about your single sitch and how do you feel about internet dating?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Ugh. As sweet as it was for your dad to offer... that would have been a hard conversation.
My parents clam up whenever I bring up dating--which I usually only bring up when I have something to tell them, like a new guy--because I've kind of exploded on them a few times when they've breached the subject. My mom for some reason ends up saying some of the worst things with the best intentions. But they rarely talk about it--to me that is. My brother let it slip that my mom always says stuff to him about my being single, and how she always brings it up when she's especially depressed. That pissed me off.
Internet dating. I don't recommend it. I even had a "successful" relationship come out of it. But I was desperate at the time, so the whole thing was a mistake. It's a quick easy way to meet some guys, but there are a lot of different layers involved with expectations. I do recommend Facebook though. Seriously, I would average maybe one date a year, and ever since I've joined FB I'm like averaging one a week. This is mainly due to the fact that I'll go to some party and barely meet someone, and usually in that scenario I don't really run into that person ever again. But then if they find me on FB the next day we have instant contact. And it makes up for the dork not having the guts to ask me for my phone number to my face.
Meeting a friend of a friend on FB is a lot different than just cold call online dating.
I will say that I don't think online dating is dangerous--I mean of course you have to be smart, but it's just like meeting a guy anywhere else really. The social stigma that used to be attached to online dating has nearly dissolved. But just like anywhere else it can be a total crapshoot.
But you can try it for a week, and if you hate it you cancel it. And no one will know the wiser. It also might give a girl some practice--with the dating drought a lot of us can get a little rusty on our flirting.
Still the socially awkward are on dating sites for a reason--they're socially awkward. But who isn't every now and then, right?
That would've been pretty awkward. I don't like it much when family brings up dating to me. It's already something I'm kind of worried about and then to know someone else is worried about it, too, makes me more stressed! But they're good about it and know it's a touchy subject.
As for internet dating, it's tough because you have to sift through the large number of bad ones to find someone good, and it just seems to me that any guy who spends a lot of time on dating sites also spends time on other--not so good--internet stuff. So I'm pretty leary about it.
I have racked my brain for a witty comment for this post, but no such luck. I'm sure your dad bringing that up was awkward, but I wonder how long he worked up the courage to bring it up.
I have family and friends who are married to people they met online. And they are wonderful people. But I also know that it just isn't for me, for a multitude of reasons. I also know what a minefield it is for parents with children who aren't married after a certain age. My dad freaks out when I mention the possibility of not ever marrying and I freak out when he asks me if I'm being social.
I'm glad to know that we're all like-minded and that it's not just a touchy subject with me and my parents, but just a general thing. In fact I think I'll do another post about this topic of what parents and relatives will say with good intentions.
My dad has been incredibly uncomfortable talking about my dating life since my freshman year in college. I'm about to be 36 and I finally told him about someone I was seeing (who I met online but through my blog, not a dating site because I did the LDS online dating about 10 years ago and it scared the crap out of me... this guy isn't a member).
My dad, who's a professor, was incredibly objective, sterile and brief about the entire thing. He doesn't care that I'm single. My mother is basically thrilled that I'm still single because my parents divorced about 8 years ago and me being single means I can be her companion forever and will never abandon her.
My older sister in all seriousness suggested that I marry her gay brother-in-law so we could have an easier time adopting children and then we could get an annulment.
I've never really cared too much about being single until this past year. People in my ward treat me like an alien. My peers (who are married with children, of course) tell me how lucky I am to be single because being single is better and a husband, kids and sex aren't all it's cracked up to be.
The girls who are 21 and married are afraid of me and won't use my first name; they choose to call me Sis. X. Men stay away from me except for the 52 year-old single lech who hits on everyone. The bishop is 4 years younger than me and hasn't got a clue what to say to me.
It makes me not want to go to church anymore because I don't fit in.
Pam, I just barely saw your post. Thank you for commenting. I know it is hard to deal with this kind of stuff and it just seems to get worse the older you get. I don't know why people have to get weird about the whole thing- why they think you are somehow you are different or strange beacause you're not married. Or why they think they can't relate to you or think they you have "issues". Singleness is not an alternative lifestyle. We are just women that happen not to be married. We are these gun-ho feminazis. We are regular LDS women.
I really think part of the problem is that singles are not sprung on family wards until they are 31 and there is always a minority of them and the family wards don't understand them. I think single's ward should be dissolved and merged with family wards at least after you get out of college.
As for families, I don't know why it has to be awkward. Maybe there are just too many expectations or not enough and people feel like they are letting people down, maybe no matter what they do.
Anyway, I think it is just hard to be a minority. Which is how I think of myself in the LDS culture. They best thing I guess we can do is try to educate people by bucking the stereotype and support our fellow spinsters.
Post a Comment