Spinst can that be the verb form of Spinster? Anyway, the question that I have been asking myself for awhile is-was I born to be a spinster? Some people say that they always felt that they would never marry or marry late in life. I never felt that when I was younger, but sometimes I wonder if I just fit the spinster stereotype a little too well. First off I work in a library. So I'm a librarian of sorts. I can just see Donna Reed walking out of the library in glasses and frumpy clothes in It's a Wonderful Life, when Jimmy Stewart sees how his wife would have ended up without him. Why do so many people picture a librarian when they think spinster?
Also I like to garden and do genealogy-(maybe that just sounds like a retiree, I don't know). And I do like cardigans. What does this say about me? Plus maybe I am a tad frumpy and a little round around the edges, but I don't wear glasses. I wear contacts. And I never wear a bun in my hair. I also don't own any cats. So no one can call me a crazy cat lady, but sheesh it's still not very comforting. I've accepted my Spinsterhood to an extent, but I would like to think it was a choice not my destiny!
5 comments:
No one would have suspected Sherri Dew as destined to spinst--at least, that's what I can imagine.
Besides, there's someone for everyone. I had a girl in my ward get married not too long ago; her hair was prematurely gray, and she didn't dye it. Gray through and through. And I think she struggled with all the vanity that's rampant here in Utah. Anyway, she married a really cute guy. Took everyone by surprise, but it must have been meant to be. Just saying that I don't think looks or style have as much to do with it as we think.
Timing is everything. It gets annoying hearing that every now and then, but I believe it more than ever. The guy I'm dating right now--it's only been two months, so who knows where it will end up (although I admit to being quite hopeful)--is someone that I NEVER would have dated like, 2 years ago even. I mean, I would have gone out with him once, but he and I are exact opposites, and he's far from being a womanizer of any sort. He's genuine to a fault which is awesome, but also takes some serious patience.
Anyway. It sucks though when you realize that one of your trials in life will be single status. Because in our culture it's so pitied and dismissed. When it shouldn't be. For a very long time all I did was worry that there wasn't anyone out there that would want to marry me. I was shy, and didn't date very much until college. But I also had very terrible self-esteem. Thank goodness for an excellent therapist and good friends!
My friends and I all agree that 'to spinst' is the verb form of being a spinster. Also, to spinst or not to spinst, that is the question.
i i eee, how were you able to get out of the rut and increase your self-esteem???
Kayz, I wish there happened to be a self-esteem elixir that we could buy at Target. I still have some bad moments (and sometimes whole days), but for the most part I try not to dwell on the things that make me feel bad about myself. And hours spent "rewiring" my brain in therapy have helped. It's amazing how different our lives can be if we stop thinking such horrible things about ourselves. Pushing out the negative with something positive. And if you can't think of anything positive, at least distract yourself from the negative as much as possible until it's no longer a natural thought process for you.
Don't really want to turn this into a comment essay, but I will say that I wasn't given a lot of encouragement growing up--it was practically nonexistent for me--so once I received the slightest inch of encouragement from people whose opinions mattered to me, I was able to really start to see my own potential. And potential not just as a dream, but as a real possibility.
This is starting to sound cheesy and self-help-ish. But that's the best way I can put it into words now. Also, I'd be lost without such good friends. I am so lucky to have found "my people" but it definitely took a while. I had to push myself, and not be so afraid of meeting new people and making new friends. I've had moderate to severe social anxiety over the years--something that fed on my paranoia and poor self-esteem.
Also extremely important: my physical health. When my body feels like crap, I feel like crap. And vice versa. When I had my last chemical depression, my whole body seemed to be shutting down. I was getting constant yeast infections; my skin was breaking out horribly; my digestive system was a nightmare; I ended up having to get my gall bladder taken out (which is kind of rare for someone my age). Anyway, my point being, it's all so connected, spiritually too.
Oh, and one more thing. Stop hanging out with people that have abnormally low self-esteem. Sure it's fun to find someone you can relate to, and to spend Friday nights together just talking about how much your dating life sucks--but it won't help at all. Soon enough it will become a pattern--if it isn't already--and next thing you know, years have gone by and you're still with the same friends who aren't doing anything or meeting new people.
I'm still friends with some of those girls, but I'm a lot happier just seeing them once in a while. Breaking out of the Slump Club was the one of the best things I ever did.
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